Austin Powers 4: The Koopa with the Golden Mojo

Fire shook the Mouser's hand and smiled to him. "Thank you," he said as he opened the door to the stall just to the right of the Mouser. "You Subconians aren't as bad as the English write you out to be." Stepping inside the stall, he shut the door behind him and sat down on the toilet. Whistling, he looked at the stall walls and then the ceiling.

Closing the stall door behind him, Mouser sat down on the toilet and made himself comfortable. "Time to drop some bombs, eh Buckaroo?", he asked as he studied the graffiti on the walls around him.

~~~

A section of wall opened up just above Fire, revealing L.J. sitting and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. Munching away, he looked down and got sick thinking about a front row viewing of someone making stew. Keeping the spoon and chucking the half-eaten bowl of cereal over his shoulder behind him, he reached down with each end of the spoon in his hands and held it up against the front of Fire's throat and began to choke him with it frantically.

Caught by surprise, Fire began to struggle and kick his feet as the spoon was pressed against his throat. Grunting, he reached frantically for the head of his attacker above his seat.

Whistling, Mouser glanced over to his right and nodded his head. "Light the fuse and let her blow, c'mon man.", he shouted over to Fire.

Successfully grabbing his hands around L.J.'s neck, Fire slowly began to pull him over through the hole in the wall. Still struggling and his face beginning to turn blue, he grunted loudly and kicked the walls of the bathroom stall widly with his feet.

"Where is Number Two?", he grunted loudly. "Where is Number Two?"

Mouser smiled and nodded, listening to Fire from the stall to his right. "That's right," he said with a grin. "Find that piece of crap!"

~~~

L.J. attempted to headbutt Fire as he began to lose grip of the spoon. It began to loosen away from Fire's neck as he got pulled down further.

Narrowly ducking the headbutt attempt. Fire let off a sigh of relief as he had L.J. pulled out from the wall. Cramming him head first into the toilet, he began to shout. "Give me Number Two! Where is Number Two?" Hearing L.J. begin to gurgle from within the toilet, he attempted to cram him in further.

"You have it, moron!", Mouser shouted towards Fire. "How about a flush over there, that sounds quite nasty!"

~~~

L.J. struggled with all his might but began to drown in the toilet. Being plunged further down, his head began to fill with tremendous pressure as he blacked out. Growing limp, he submitted to death by drowning, dropping the cereal spoon to the floor besides the toilet.

Giving the toilet a flush, Fire leaped off from the toilet seat and looked in disarray at the giant, furry koopa that attempted to kill him. Quickly rushing out of the stall, he looked in the mirror and saw he was sweating as he could feel his heart trying to pound out of his chest. He adjusted his glasses and began to toy with his hair while looking in the mirror, trying to take his mind off of what just happened.

Mouser finished his business and walked out of his stall. Looking to Fire and then to the open stall with the deceased L.J. stuffed in the toilet, he nearly lost his cowboy hat in surprise. Looking at Fire wide eyed, he pointed in the direction of the tanooki Bowser in the stall. "Geez man, what did you eat!?", he exclaimed loudly.

Fire let off a bit of a nervous laugh as he struggled to give a half smile. Nodding to the Mouser, he quickly left the bathroom and hurried to the room he rented several floors above the casino floor. Opening the door to the room, he sat down on one of the twin beds inside and turned on his iPhone. Tuning into Dessie, he spoke into the receiver:

"Basil! Number Two is working for Doctor Evil, any information on his assistant.. who'd I love to shag carpet a 50 story building with, no less?"

"She is at her penthouse just down street.", Dessie say as she smiles gently to Fire over phone. "May have weapon to hurt.. be careful Austin."

"I'm there, baby!", Fire said in response to Dessie as he turned the phone off. Walking out of the hotel room, he exited the casino of Koopa Castle from it's front entrance and tucked himself into his shell. Giving himself a quick spin with his feet, he zoomed down the street towards the penthouse of Alotta Vagina.

Arriving at the front door of the penthouse, which appeared to be the former Larry Koopa's castle, he untucked himself from his shell and walked up and looked around for a doorbell. Not seeing one, he pulled out a golden gun from his shell and kicked the door down and stepped inside. "Hello?", he asked aloud, stepping through the darkness inside the building.

The lights suddenly switched on, revealing Heaven standing next to a pole a few feet in front of Fire. Brushing her hands through her hair, she began to dip and grind along the pole slipping Fire a seductive wink. "I knew you'd come.", she said softly with a bit of a giggle.

Fire coughed and staggered as he saw the ever revealing Heaven moving along the pole. Wiping the thick condensation forming off of his glasses, he began to drool as he slowly walked up to her. "It's like I died and went to heaven...", he said in a small, quiet voice.

The end of a gun poked out from the shadows in the back of the room as a voice came from within them. "That's exactly where I'm sending you," Iggitarian said as he stepped out into the light, his enormous gut and girth filling up at least half the room. "The irony that you showed up here at this exact moment." Staring at the shell of Heaven, he began to tremble and drool as he began to gnaw on his fat nipple. "Mmm, oh god I'm so DEAD sexayyyy..", he moaned.

Fire snapped out of his daze long enough to see Iggitarian come out from behind Heaven. "I knew something stunk in here," he said as he attempted to look away from the koopa's ever growing fatness. "You were so skinny last time I saw you!", he exclaimed as he kept his golden gun aimed at the head of Iggitarian. "I thought you were on the Jared diet, why did you get so fat.. Fat Bastard?"

Stopping from his gnawing to take a bit of a breather, Iggitarian plopped his fat behind onto the ground and surrounded his pudgy legs around Heaven, causing the whole castle to shake. Ripping her down from the pole easily and sliding her into his lap, he looked to Fire as his stomach let off a loud gurgle. "They say that too much eating out is bad for you," he said as he kept a free hand open with his gun still pointed at Fire. "But ask Alotta here, she keeps sucking on my sausage and loves them to the last bite."

Fire made a disgusted face as he had a terrible mental image insert his mind of the absurd thought. "Your.. WHAT?!"

Iggitarian revealed a sausage machine surrounded by a variety of sausage links from the shadows with his right hand. "You know.. a sausage. German, Polish. Bratwursts.." Picking one up that had a little green cap with an L on it, he showed it to Fire. "Even the Luigi.. it's a sweet, sweet sausage that leaves you with nothing but happiness and good thoughts to last you the morning long."

Beginning to chew on one of the spikes on the back of Heaven's shell, he wiped a bit of drool from his lips. "She also likes it when I put my warm, aroma filled buns in her face."

"I beg your pardon?", Fire asked, throwing up in his mouth over the mental picture. "You're disgusting!"

Switching the gun from his left to his right hand, Iggitarian then waved his left and a tray full of hot rolls appeared from the shadows. "My buns," he said as he gave Fire a sly smile. "I do bake, you know.. gotta have hobbies when you're in-between being legit."

Fire shook his head at the nonsense as he walked up to Iggitarian, putting slight pressure on the trigger of his gun as he continued to have it aimed at him. "Cut the chatter," he said with anger in his voice. "You're working for Doctor Evil, tell me where my father is."

Iggitarian let off a bit of a hearty laugh, causing his gut to rumble underneath. "Not where.. but when. I'll never tell you."

Approaching the right side of Iggitarian somehow, which was a struggle to get around him all itself, Fire picked up the Sausage Machine and walked over to a nearby open window. Holding the device outside the window, he glared at the overgrown Iggitarian. "Tell me where my daddy is and how to get to him or you can kiss your sausage good-bye.."