Austin Powers 4: The Koopa with the Golden Mojo

Orinda set his feet back on the ground and held up his hands. "I'll do that thing I do," he said with a hurt look on his face. "Oh mommy, you're hurting my psychological state.. uhh would you STOP??"

"Oh, I can stop," she said with a smile, but quickly turned it into a stern look. "But SCOTTY CAN'T!"

Orinda rolled his eyes at Koopette's response. "Uh, yeah we've only done this in the last three installments.. let me try something..", he said as he flipped her off with both of his middle fingers. Muttering, Orinda took out his headphones from his shell and plugged them back into his ears, banging away.

L.J. was sitting upside down in his chair, eating from a bag of Illusion leaves. "Doctor, please continue your plan," he said as he munched away. "Also, who are you people and Lucky Charms are part of this complete breakfast."

Eating out of the tin of Mario Loaf, Crystal looked at Orinda and rolled her eyes at him. "Riiiiiighhht.", she said loudly as she then went back to eating.

Getting back onto her feet, Wendy picked out an empty chair and dragged it back over to where she was sitting. Looking around, she coughed and sat down again. "El Doctor," she said with a smile. "I 'like' this plan."

"It'll make a lot of 'friends' for us, Frau.", Koopette said as she held a finger up to the side of her mouth, letting off a short giggle. She then looked to the quite lopsided L.J. "Riiiighhhhht."

Coughing, she dug around in her shell and put something else on the table that resembled a fog machine. "My next plan involves entering the minds of the people on Dinosaur Land and depriving them of sleep by forcing horrific nightmares into their minds, making them weak and easy to manipulate with my evil plans." Raising her fingers in quotations, she spoke in monotone. "I call this plan, 'Dream Weaver'."

Orinda took the right earbud out as he let out a laugh. Looking at Koopette, he shook his head once again in disbelief. "Oh my god.. Dream Weaver was a song recorded by Gary Wright in 1975, dipwad.", he said as he rolled his eyes.

Koopette stared at Orinda and sighed. "It's always something, isn't it," she said sarcastically towards him. "Just remember I'm wearing the daddy pants here.. because SCOTTY CAN'T!" Leaning over the table, she looked everyone in the eye individually for a second and whispered, "I'm the boss. Supremo. Hot dawg. The Mustard."

Pacing for a moment, she turned and faced the table again. Digging around in her shell again, she pulled out a silver steel remote with a red button in the middle of it. Placing it on the table, she used her fingers in quotation again. "This controls a 'laser'. I have embedded it into a satellite that will emit from Cookie Mountain's tallest peak, striking a continent out in the ocean made of solid ice that will cause such a sudden rush that Dinosaur Land will become engulfed in a total flood, killing everyone there instantly." Giving everybody at the table an evil look, she held her finger up to her mouth. "I call this plan, 'Sea World'."

Orinda put his headphones back into his shell again and shook his head in disagreement. "Sea World is an aquatic amusement park established in California, idiot."

Getting up from his chair, he began to walk up to Koopette but stopped halfway. "Like usual, all your plans will fail because you're stupid. I can shoot fire from my mouth and kill Austin and his father easily. I've got a gun in my shell too, it's so easy.. one shot, pow. Both of them in the head."

"I've got two words that could ever express my feelings about that plan," she said as she walked up to Orinda, twirling her tail around in her right hand casually. "No. Scott."

Smacking him in the head with her tail hard, she walked back up to the front of the table and looked to Xiuhcoatl. "Number Two, unveil the time machine."

Xiuhcoatl pressed a button from underneath the table. The wall behind Koopette gave way exposing a giant 16-bit starman, it casted a gold light that filled the room. "Your time machine, Doctor Evil.." he said as his eye patch was now covering his nose.

Koopette leaned against the time machine and felt it in her hands as she traced the edges of the star with both of her hands. Coughing and stepping away from the contraption, she walked down to over where Xiuhcoatl was seated and sat on the table directly in front of him. Looking to the eye patch she noticed it had been in three different spots since the scene began, which caused her to tilt her head slowly in thought. "That's not.. riiiiiiiiggggghhhhht.", she said in monotone as she then slid off the table and stood by the machine again.

"Ladies, Gentlemen.. Frau," Koopette shouted as she extended her left hand out to the machine in a sense of display. "I have created a device that makes time travel possible. To go where no koopa has gone before." Pacing back down to the head of the table, she used her fingers in quotation again. "I call it a 'Time Machine'. Using this 'Time Machine', I'm going back in time and picking up Goldmember and bringing him back here."

Placing a finger up to her mouth, she let off an evil smile. "Nobody can stop me. Not even.. AUSTIN POWERS!" She began to laugh manically.

Now with the eye patch on his chin, resembling a beard of some sort, Xiuhcoatl looked to Koopette as he collapsed his hands on top of each other in satisfactory. "That's great, Doctor Evil," he said with a smile. "Do you suggest I go to the casino in Koopa Castle to block Austin Powers?"

Koopette looked to Xiuhcoatl and nodded, in thought. "Better idea, I'm glad I thought of this," she said as she paced again. "Number Two, go to the casino in Koopa Castle and hold off Austin Powers." Taking a double glance, she noticed the eye patch moved again.

Putting a finger to the side of her mouth, she grinned wide. "I've got you now, Austin Powers!", she shouted as she began to laugh manically. "And Number Two," she said to Xiuhcoatl as she tilted her head sideways observing the ever moving eye patch, "Take Alotta Vagina.. with you?" As she laughed again mostly in due to her childish pun, a fart erupted loudly from her behind. Looking around, she let off an additional giggle.

Wendy straightened out her hair bow and smiled. "That's a good plan, El Doctor" she said as she pulled out a book of crossword puzzles from her shell. Kicking her feet up onto the table, she took out a pen and opened up the book. Twirling the pen around in her fingers, she looked to Koopette with a thought. "Four letter word meaning Fecal Matter?."

Sniffing the air, she covered her nose. "What's that horrid smell..."

~~~~~

"Crap!", Fire said as he took his face away from his coffee mug. "This stuff smells like crap." Taking the mug with him, he sat down at the kitchen table and looked at Dessie sitting across from him. He noticed that she was reading the newspaper. Adjusting his glasses, he took another sip from the mug as he grimaced.

"What's going on in the world today, Basil?" he asked in a bit of wonder. "Daddy didn't tuck me into bed last night, I wonder what's going on there.."

Sunlight shine off of her silver scales like diamonds in clear water as Dessie show news paper to Fire. "A lot goes on, Austin.", she said with soft voice.

Looking up at the newspaper, Fire read a large advertisement that said "Free Enlargements". "Oh, behave!", he said with a devilish giggle. "Now show me what you intended to show me, Basil."

Dessie flip news paper around and then show it to Fire. "Your father has gone missing, Austin." Tail dragging lightly on floor under her chair, she smiled to him.

"Koopa Super Spy Kooped Up," he said as he read the newspaper heading. "That's my dad alright." Reading further into the article to himself, Fire stopped and looked to Dessie. "It also says they're holding a benefit for my father at the Koopa Castle Casino and that Austin Powers is highly advised to show up to recognize his fans." Looking to the camera sitting on the floor to the right of his chair, Fire got a crazy idea. Turning his attention back to Dessie, he gave her a serious look. "There's only one person who could pull such a thing..."

Leaping from his seat, he picked up the camera and held the lens end close to his face. "Doctor Evil." Still playing with the camera, he shook it violently as he continued to talk in a strange voice. "Doc-c-c-c..tor Eeeeevil. E-e-evil. E to the vil." Getting excited, he showed Dessie the camera. "Isn't this great?", he asked gleefully. "Watch this!"

Holding it far away from Dessie's face, he pushed it quickly as close to her face as he could. "EXTREME CLOSEUP!" Pulling the camera back again, he began shouting. "WHOAAAAA! WH-OAAAAAA!! WHOAAAA! WH-OAAAAA!!"

Dessie looked at Fire with irritation as she used enormous powerful tail to pick up table and throw it across the room. "Austin!", she shouts in anger. "Go to the Casino and find Dr. Evil!"

Ducking away from the flying table, Fire ran out the front door in fear. Pulling a Mario doll out from his shell, he poked his head through the doorway and showed it to Dessie. "If you're going to spew..." he said as he threw the doll to her, "... spew into this."

Quickly leaving the scene, he stepped out into the street and tucked himself into his shell. Inside his hollow shell, there was a computer that was between where the neck hole and the right arm hole was. It resembled an IBM 5150 except it had a LCD monitor just above it. Pushing one of the two buttons, the screen turned on but at the moment it had no displaying picture. Sticking both legs out from the back of his shell, he gave himself a hard push off as he went sliding. Tucking in his legs and forcing himself to spin, he went flying quickly down the street towards the Koopa Castle Casino. "Dr. Evil, here I come BABY!", he shouted as he looked out the neckhole, navigating himself along.

~~~~~

Xiuhcoatl walked out through a door that was labeled "Printing" in crude tape and marker. He held it open and tapped his foot impatiently for Heaven, who was inside. "Printing that newspaper was a brilliant plan," he said in a low tone. "That heading and article oughta get Austin here pronto."

Waiting for another few moments, he stamped his foot on the ground hard. "Come on, Alotta.. we've got to meet Austin down at the card table."

Walking out of the room and into the hallway to meet with Xiuhcoatl, Heaven straightened out her hair and draped it over her dragon wings. "You seriously think he'll buy it?", she asked as she began to walk towards a set of stairs that led out to the card tables. "I don't know who's honestly stupider.. Doctor Evil or Austin Powers." Waiting by the entranceway to the card tables that occupied the loud and busy casino filled with koopa troopas and other enemies, she closed her eyes and thought to herself for a moment.