Austin Powers 4: The Koopa with the Golden Mojo

Walking down to the Casino floor with Heaven, Xiuhcoatl shook his head. "I don't write the scripts here, don't ask me." Walking out onto the floor filled with tables and pointed to a table with a Wiggler taking the role of card dealer. The table was empty, most likely just being set up. "We'll take the table over there," he said as he walked over to a chair lining the table where the Wiggler was setting up. "The bathroom is just behind it, we'll get Austin this time."

Adjusting the eyepatch over his right eye, he smiled to the card dealer and waited patiently.

The Wiggler tipped his flower hat to the reptilian koopa as he shuffled the deck of cards with each of his 15 hands. He had makeup on and was clearly not in the right mind, or by at least based on physicality alone. "5-Card", he said with a wink towards the stranger. "Stud.. waiting on somebody?"

Walking over to the card table with Xiuhcoatl, Heaven paid the card shuffling Wiggler no mind as she sat down at an empty chair and leaned next to Xiuhcoatl, whispering the remains of the conversation to him.

"To verify the plans one last time," she said to Xiuhcoatl, "you want me to leave for the penthouse and set up as a decoy when you head into the back and set up the traps for Austin?"

Coughing politely, Xiuhcoatl looked to the Wiggler and nodded. Turning his attention to Heaven, he gave her a stern look. "Not so loud, you'll doom us to fail.", he whispered to her hastily.


Looking towards the entrance of the casino, he saw a commotion forming. Straightening out his eye patch one last time, he patiently waited.

Finally arriving in front of the Koopa Castle Casino, Fire untucked himself from his shell. Walking through its big, gold plated glass doors, a giant palace of slot machines and gambling tables flowed out and around him. Adjusting his frames, he looked around in wide wonder observing the lights and sounds. To his left, he saw female koopa troopas clad in very skimpy bathing suits. Having trouble breathing, he swung his arms in a circular motion as he swooned his way over to them.

Feeling his hands up his chest, he gave each one a nasty wink. "So shall we shag now or shag later?"

A Charging Chuck walked up to Austin and tapped him on the shoulder. "Guest of honor," he said to him in a gruff voice. "Austin Powers, a table is open just for you."

Extending a hand and hiding an evil smile behind his facemask, he began to lead Fire over to the table occupied by Xiuhcoatl and Heaven.

Looking to the Chargin Chuck, Fire pleaded for a moment as he was about to be submerged in girls.. just as he was about to turn back to the lovelies, he peeked over the escort's right shoulder and saw a naked Heaven sitting over at a card table. His eyes lighting up, he swung his arms and danced seductively over to the table, staying a decent distance behind the Chuck. Wiping the fog off his glasses, he sat down across from Heaven at the card table and was about to drool. "Do you lay carpet baby?", he asked with a sly smirk on his face. "Because you've got fresh shag written all over you."

She left off a seductive smile as she clung to the arm of Xiuhcoatl, watching the advances of the swinging Fire Koopa. "You are simply nasty", she said as she brushed a hand through her flowing hair. "But we could never be, unless you play it dirty."

Finishing shuffling through the deck of cards, the Wiggler established a hand for Xiuhcoatl, Heaven and Fire. Leaving them face down in front of the participants, he straightened out his little hat and twiddled his many, many thumbs.

Xiuhcoatl used the X-Ray vision under his eyepatch to see through the hand given to Fire and then looked to see what cards were on top of the deck in the Wiggler's position as dealer. Peeking through his cards, he saw that the Wiggler had played him the cards that they had agreed upon.. it was a royal flush.

Looking to his associate Heaven and then to the dealer, he let off a small smile. "So you must be the son of Nigel Powers?", he asked Fire in a low voice.

Tipping his little hat to Xiuhcoatl with a smile, the Wiggler looked him square in the eyes and placed a hand on his deck of cards. "How many cards will you be discarding?", he asked with a playful glint in his eye.

Xiuhcoatl looked up to the Wiggler and waved his hand to him. "None.", he said as he then looked in the direction of Fire. "I like to live dangerously."

Giving Xiuhcoatl a stern look, the Wiggler turned a bright pink as steam rose from his little green hat. "Fair enough, sir."

Turning to Fire, the Wiggler looked to him and gestured towards the deck of cards. "How many cards will you be discarding?", he asked as he playfully poked Fire on the nose with a free hand.

Fire looked to the dealer with a smug look on his face. "I too, like to live dangerously."

Turning his attention to Xiuhcoatl, he adjusted his glasses at the mysterious, eye-patched reptile. "Austin 'Danger' Powers", he replied to him. "So what is your name and what do you do?"

The Wiggler turned a dark red as his hat went flying straight off the top of his head and through the casino ceiling. "I INSIST YOU DISCARD, SIR.", he shouted as his eyes grew large. Kicking his feet around, he threw a tantrum as he looked to Xiuhcoatl. "I try to seduce you two stallions and you guys won't even play", he said as he crossed his many arms. "Fine, you SO won't be getting Fire Flower scented bath salts and banana sacks from me.. show me what you two have."

Xiuhcoatl looked to Fire as he laid out his cards on the table. "Royal Flush.", he said with a smile. "And my name is Number Two. My specialty is craps, everything else is mostly bathroom talk that I won't share here."

Gesturing towards Heaven with a hand, he got up from his seat. "This is my assistant, Alotta. Alotta Vagina." Bowing politely to the people at the table, he gave them a serious look. "Now if you'll pardon me, I need to let off a turd so giant it could clog up the economy outlook." He walked off to the restroom directly behind him, leaving the casino floor.

Fire laid out his hand of cards, revealing they're all blank. Looking to Heaven, he gave her a devilish smile and walked over to where she was sitting. "So, me.. and you sucking down my bratwursts.. my hotel room in 10 minutes.. what do you say?"

Heaven got up from her seat suddenly and glared at Fire. Gasping, she slapped him hard in the face. Straightening out her hair over her shell and wings once more, she stomped away from the table and disappeared through a doorway just to the right of the table.

Getting his anger back under control, Wiggler turned back to his usual bright yellow color as he saw Fire get rejected. Walking up next to him and leaning against the table, he gave him a sweet smile. "Ignore her honey", he said in a coy voice. "I'll have your bratwursts any way you cook them..." Trailing his fingers along the table scantily, he moaned to himself gently.

Fire was just shaking the effects of the slap to the face he took from Heaven as he looked to the Wiggler with a disgusted look on his face. "What?", he asked him in surprise. "No way, baby," he said as he walked away from the table and towards the restroom. "I don't play with another man's fishing rod!"

Entering the door that read "Mens", he walked inside and saw that it was a room lined with a rectangular mirror on the right side with sinks placed directly underneath it. To the left he saw toilet stalls but they were all closed. The floor, ceiling and walls were made of a solid white marble. It seemed all too quiet in here. Walking to the middle sink, he began to study himself and do sexy poses in front of the mirror. "You're gorgeous," he said aloud as he felt himself. "Sexy baby, YEAH!"

A Tweeter was sitting far to the left of the bathroom door on a stool next to the sinks as Fire entered. Adjusting his red mask with a wing, it blinked and tilted its head at the koopa as it was making odd poses and faces at the mirror.

"Tweet!", it chirped loudly. "Tweet, tweet, tweet!" Excited, the Tweeter pulled out an iPhone from his back pocket and attempted to get Fire's attention with it.

Fire had just got done checking himself out in the mirror and picked up a bottle of talcum powder that was sitting atop the sink when he heard a chirping sound coming from somewhere in the bathroom. Trying to shake up the bottle to mix up the contents inside, the lid came flying off of the bottle sending powder flying everywhere. Coughing and waving his hand to clear the dust, he turned to the doorway and saw the Twitter sitting on a stool besides it. Adjusting his glasses, he squinted at the object that the creature was trying to show him.

"Isn't that something," he exclaimed to the Tweeter. "I don't know what world you came from but you must be proud!"

The bathroom door flew open as a Mouser walked through, smashing the Tweeter that had been sitting next to it. Adjusting his big white cowboy hat and enormous sunglasses, he stepped up next to Fire and was checking something out in the mirror. Covering his nose, he waved a hand to clear the dust of the talcum powder that had just gone all over the place. Coughing to clear the dust from his throat, he looked to Fire as he placed his hands on his hips. "Hey stranger," he said as he looked the koopa over, noticing his odd glasses and getup. "You look like you came from a blazing automobile wreck.. you okay, man?"

Fire straightened out his glasses and looked to the Mouser in the big cowboy hat. "I'm fine," he said with a smile. "I'm just english."

Mouser shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said with sarcasm as he walked over to the closest stall to the entrance of the bathroom. Extending a hand to Fire, he let off an evil smile. "Best of luck to you, partner!".