Austin Powers 4: The Koopa with the Golden Mojo

Jade snapped her head and attention to the dashboard as she saw a monitor with a dragon speaking on it. Astounded, she listened in awe and pondered this technology they did not have in a vehicle in her time period. After it concluded, she looked to Fire with wide eyes and seemed to be caught speechless. "What is that?!", she asked curiously, pointing at the screen on the dash.

Fire nodded and saluted Dessie through the monitor. "Thanks Basil baby," he said with a sneaky grin as he watched Jade from the corner of his eye, "we're there, YEAH!" Then turning his attention fully to Jade, he gestured his right hand at the screen. "It's a talking picture box in a dashboard but that's not important right now.", he said with a bit of sarcasm as he began to input the time and date into the keypad.

Jade shook her head in disapproval at Fire and crossed her arms watching him. Pouting a lower lip, she began to scrape her claws against the passenger side window without much concern. "Seen glaciers move faster than this, c'mon...", she said with a sigh.

Fire looked to Jade and noticed her bored expressions. "I know what would cheer you up," he said with a giggle as he adjusted his glasses. "A ride on my Tilt-a-Whirl, baby YEAH!"

Forming a now serious expression, he turned the ignition as the machine started up. Revving it by hitting the gas pedal, he put his left hand on the steering wheel and pointed out in front of them with his right. "Once we hit eighty-eight miles per hour, you're going to see some serious shit..", he said as he then flipped through the Austin Powers 4 script. "That ain't right.."

Getting frustrated, Jade lunged at Fire from the passenger seat and began choking him around the throat with both hands swaying his head back and forth like a bobble head doll. "Save your father!", she shouted at him in anger. "Screw the script, I know we're in this goofy spoof but save your father!"

Letting go of his throat, she got back into the passenger seat and gave off an innocent cough. Flashing him a quick frown, she pointed out towards the open road in front of them.

"Whoa!" Fire said a bit stunned as he watched Jade slide back to her side of the machine. "Psycho hose-beast.." he muttered as he hit the gas pedal hard with his foot, sending the vehicle zooming down the street. Watching the speed dial increase, he felt the world shaking and rumbling around him as he heard a sonic boom come down around him. About losing control of the vehicle, there was a flash of light when the dial hit 88 MPH and fire erupted around his vehicle. As the bright light went away, he saw he was in a place he could not recognize. There were trees lined down a street filled with homes and it was apparently late in the evening, it was dark and the night's moon shone down brightly over the armored hood of the machine. Still struggling to adjust, he felt the car veer to the right as he caught a glimpse of a house that had a van parked in the driveway with some sort of dish sitting on top of it. Bracing himself, he hit the brakes as he slid into the direction of the house, crashing through the front steps of it and going through the front door, tearing a large hole through the wall.

Lemmy was sitting on a couch in a basement with television cameras and audio equipment in the upper left of the room, just kitty corner from the couch. He was holding his guitar and was checking out the strings on it. "Ready to go, Garth?", he asked to the person sitting next to him.

Shaking out the cobwebs from the impact with the wall, Fire staggered out of the car through the driver's window and sat down against the side of the car to catch his breath. Getting up a short moment later, he got over to the passenger side door and tugged at it hard for a moment and finally got it to release. Extending a hand to Jade inside the vehicle, he looked at her with a sense of concern. "You okay baby?", he asked her in a gentle voice. "That house just popped out in front of me."

Orinda looked at Lemmy and pouted. "It's Scotty," he said as he then rolled his eyes. "Not Garth and who the hell is Wayne? Why are we in his world?"

She rolled her eyes at Fire as he took his hand and removed herself from the vehicle. "If I had a nickel for every koopa that ever said that to me," she said with a sarcastic sigh as she then looked around the area they crashed in. It was a boring, ordinary house.. well as boring and as ordinary as a house looked in Aurora, a suburb of Chicago (Excellent). "Gotta admit," she said to Fire as she adjusted her hair bow, "even this is ordinary for Goldmember, not many people would suspect this place as a hideout. But how do we get in?"

"Just ride wit' me," Lemmy said as he turned his head around on his neck in a 360 and muttered out, "Nelly." Putting his guitar down, he looked to his television crew in the corner and coughed. "Today's show, we've got the creator of the Blow Hard, some koopa I've never met in my life Iggy Koopa. Come on down Iggy!"

Walking down the stairs, Iggy was carrying a giant leaf blower down with him as he set it down on the ground and stood next to the couch where Lemmy and Orinda were sitting. "Hey Wayne," he said as he then proceeded to wave to the camera. Adjusting his glasses, he looked around nervously. "I'm Iggy Koopa and this is my invention, the Blow Hard."

Lemmy gave Iggy an awkward stare as he let off a high pitched giggle. Fumbling through a Austin Powers 4 script, he threw it over his left shoulder and picked up his guitar. "That's great Iggy Koopa." he said, pretending to be somewhat interested. "So what exactly is a Blow Hard?"

"Well," Iggy said as he continued to face the camera in front of him. "It's a supercomputer, or an SC for short, that blows an overwhelming blast of wind and hot air. You use it to clear out rooms and if you have the luxury of air conditioning or happen to be having a party, it wrecks any good times that are bound to be had!"

Picking up the Blow Hard, he looked to Lemmy and let off a cheesy smile. "I'm willing to give a complete demonstration."

"Here," Lemmy said as he pushed Orinda closer to Iggy and his device. "Use Garth his pubes fell out and needs a pick-me-up anyways." Jamming out on his guitar or at least in his own mind he was, he brushed hair from the side of his head and let off a big grin. "The question in everybody's shell is... how does it work?"

Fire looked at Jade and thought for a moment. "Doggy style action, one of us goes in from behind and one from the front.", he said as he then rethought about what he just said to her. Pulling out his golden gun from his shell, he began to sneak down the stairs and approached the back door where he saw lights and heard the sound of voices coming from.

Just as Jade was going to correct Fire, she noticed he was already taking off for the back door. Pulling out her gun as well, she walked up to the front door of the house and took it down with one swift charge with her shell. Creeping in through the living room, she heard noises coming down from the basement below her. Keeping quiet, she creeped towards a set of stairs that looked to lead down to the basement. Hearing the voice of Goldmember, she gritted her teeth in disgust and stayed at the top of the stairs, waiting for Fire's signal.

Peeking through the glass panes on the back door, Fire saw Lemmy and a few others he didn't recognize inside. Giving the door a firm kick, he stepped into the basement and pointed his gun at Lemmy. "Got you Goldmember!", he boomed aloud in a hero like manner. "Where's my father?"

"Dang it!", Lemmy shouted as he raised his hands at Fire in defense. "Ze messed up my line fool!"

Pointing to Orinda, he began making faces in the camera. "It certainly does blow!" he shouted as he then got frustrated. "Damn it man, you made me lose my momentum and I'm Wayne Campbell! I don't know who this Goldmember is!"

Hearing her cue to enter Jade came running down the steps that went down into the basement as she took her gun from her shell and kept it aimed at Lemmy's head. "Freeze sugah," she said hastily. "You're under arrest!"

Iggy pouted as he picked up his device. "Fine," he muttered as he proceeded to the stairs, "interrupt someone who stole an invention and claimed it as his own.." Walking up the steps, he vanished from the scene.

"Oh come on!" Orinda whined loudly as he stepped between Fire and Lemmy. "Austin is RIGHT HERE just shoot him in the head and end it. Bang bang!" Circling Fire and Jade cautiously, he used his talons into an outline of a gun and pretended to shoot both of them in the face. "I'll go back to my mom's lair, grab my gun and take both of these guys out right here."

"Ze forgot this is a spy spoof?" Lemmy asked Orinda as he slowly walked backwards and pretended to accidentally kick a lever attached to the floor. "Oops," he said with a hand over his forehead as the area where all the television equipment was disappeared into thin air and the wall opened up, revealing Murcury strapped to a steel table with a giant fly holding a flyswatter just in front of him. "Did you forget my Mario Paint incident!" he shouted as he turned to Fire, letting off a small giggle. "How unfourtanate, ohh?"

Grabbing Orinda by the back of the shell, he pulled a keychain out of his own shell and pressed a button on it, making a loud double beep echo through the basement. Looking around, he waited for his getaway car.

Jade pushed Fire closer to Lemmy. "Well what are you waiting for dork?" she asked impatiently. "Shoot him before he gets away!"

"Do you want me to rescue my father or shoot Goldmember?" Fire asked Jade as he then gave her a confused look. "You bloody well know I can't do both.. besides, we'd just be giving him what he wants by shooting him."