Austin Powers 4: The Koopa with the Golden Mojo

Austin's Pad: The Bedroom. 2013

~~~

Chaos had erupted throughout the world. Koopas were rioting in the streets, setting buildings ablaze and running around waving signs and giant flags. As two koopas approached a plumbing supply depot, they were holding baseball bats and carried big brown wool sacks with them. They appeared to be conversing:

Koopa Troopa #1: Hey Spike, we finally got it right. We'll lure the world into the alternate universe.

Koopa Troopa #2: Iggy, you idiot! We're not leading to another universe, we're flooding the earth! Nobody can stop the water if there are no plumbing supplies left in the world.

Koopa Troopa #1: Explains why I've screwed up the past four or five times. 0 for 5, 0 for 5.. isn't that a high percentage?

Koopa Troopa #2: (Thinking for a moment) I'm not sure, but it isn't good. We'll get it right this time!

Finishing their conversation, they began to break out the windows and walked inside, picking the place apart of all merchandise and placing it in the brown sacks. Rioting increased as the building began to pour thick, black smoke from the chimney on top of it. The koopa troopas escaped through the broken window, the sacks overstuffed with plungers and other goodies. The sky began to turn red as the streets and other buildings all of a sudden were engulfed in flames. A voice came out from the sky, it boomed loudly as if from the voice of god. "Don't take the plungers.. the world is succumbing to evil.. to evil.."

~~~

"To evil..", he muttered in his sleep, ".. to evil." Fire opened his eyes suddenly, he had just had a terrible nightmare. He was lying in bed, his body covered in cold sweat as were the sheets underneath him along with his pillow. The bedroom was covered in darkness except for a nightlight that was plugged in by the door, casting off a glowing peace sign across the floor and bouncing off of the clothes dresser. His heart was racing as he looked to the left of him and saw the clock on the side dresser, the digital red numbers showed it was 5:31 A.M. He then looked to the right of him and saw an extremely large lump hidden under his bedsheets that lined the King sized bed. The lump had to been at least 50 feet tall, it was for the most part motionless except for a light snoring sound erupting from it every now and then. Turning the touch lamp on that was sitting next to the clock, he found his thick rimmed eyeglasses resting on the side dresser. Quickly picking them up and putting them on, he began to comp-template. The nightmare had been so real, like it was reaching out trying to tell him something. As if evil was beckoning him, leading him onto a message it had just been casting through his dreams. "There's only one explanation for this..", he said as he scooted himself up against the headboard, now sitting up in the bed.

A dragon's head came out from the sheets, her eyes the color of jade as the light bounced off her silver scales that shine like diamond. Smoke trails blew through her nostrils as she quickly kicked sheets off from her body, 50 feet tall and half wide in resting.

"Doctor Evil!", Dessie exclaimed loud.

Fire just about jumped out of his shell as he fell off the bed as a reaction to the sudden shout. Getting back onto his feet, he adjusted his glasses and stared at the giant dragon that was in his bed. "Basil!", he shouted, still sounding a bit shaken. "Groovy baby, but don't do that ever again!"

All of a sudden, he heard music turn on. It may have been in his head, maybe it wasn't.. but it was catchy. Recognizing it was the theme to Austin Powers, Fire swung his arms around and danced out the door of the bedroom and made his way into the bathroom.

"Sorry.", Dessie said as she hid herself back under the covers, going back to rest.

Stepping in front of the bathroom mirror, Fire flashed a smile at the mirror revealing his yellow teeth which in a result caused the mirror to crack. Fluffing up his huge mass of chest hair, it backfired and wound up smacking him in the chin. Shaking his head and feeling himself up, he started dancing again to the music playing. "Yeah baby!", he said as he looked at himself in the mirror with a grin. "You're a SEXY beast!"

With those words, he exited the bathroom and warmed himself up by doing backflips down the hallway and made a final landing on his feet by the front door. Opening the door and stepping outside, he walked down a city street and waved to some female koopa troopas as he continued to swing his arms in a circular motion and dance to the music playing. As he approached a giant warehouse, he heard the music suddenly changed to Michael Jackson's Thriller. With a disappointed look on his face, he entered the warehouse through its open doorway and saw a three headed snake screwing with a mixing table. "Ladies and gentlemen," Fire said as he approached the snake and the table. "The reptile behind all the swinging, SEXY tunes.. Tryclyde!"

Tryclyde looked at Fire as he approached the tables he was operating, slapping him on the hand with his tail. Hissing at him for a moment, he continued to bop all three heads in tune to the music.

Fire jumped up onto the platform and smashed the Michael Jackson disc with a giant mushroom block. Swinging his arms and snapping his fingers, the Austin Powers soundtrack popped back onto the player and resumed. "YEAH BABY!", he exclaimed as he pointed at the Tryclyde, walking backwards off the platform and dancing out of the warehouse.

The snake swung his heads around in time to the hip new tune, their necks eventually getting tied together from all the grooving. Hissing in beat to the song, Tryclyde continued to swish his tail around happily.

Continuing to dance down the street, he saw Princess Toadstool, clad in her standard pink dress, standing next to a fire hydrant with a steel air vent directly underneath her. "Hey look!", he shouted to the supposed camera facing him. "It's Princess Toadstool!" He began to do the Thriller zombie dance, walking up to her seductively.

The music changing to "The Macarena" all of a sudden, Princess Toadstool did the Macarena dance as she made her way to meeting up with Fire. As she touched the back of her head, two gun barrels popped out from her chest. Looking at him with a crazed look in her eyes, she swung her chest back and forth and fired off a round of bullets at the swinging koopa.

Catching a bullet in his teeth, Fire looked to Princess Toadstool with a evil grin on his face. Spitting out the bullet to the side, he raised his shell and showed off some skin. Watching her head spin for a moment, he then licked his fingertips and seductively moved them down the front of his chest.

Toadstool watched with her head cocked to the side just as it began spin wildly as a giant burst of flame came out from beneath her dress. Taking off like a rocket, she flew straight up into the sky and exploded into a giant ball of fire.

Fire looked up and watched the fembot Toadstool soar into the sky and explode. Looking to the so called camera, he swung his arms and snapped his fingers again. "I lit her up, YEAH BABY!", he exclaimed as he tucked himself into his shell.

Spinning himself at a high rate of speed, he propelled himself back down the street and coming to a crashing stop at the mailbox parked in front of his pad. Getting out of his shell for a moment, he did a Michael Jackson spin move on his toes and did one more backflip, landing on his feet. With a big smile on his face and clearly a little dizzy from the quick trip back home, he flashed one more big smile on his face.

~~~

With a giant sound of thunder, the camera switched to a view with Koopette LeBoo standing in front of it doing a closeup of her face . Turning around she faced a table with L.J., Wendy, Heaven and Xiuhcoatl standing around it. They were surrounded by old rickety wood walls with cobwebs laying about the area. It was fairly dark besides an old dusty chandelier that was attached to the ceiling just above the middle of the table, spreading a gentle light across the room. Holding a finger up to her mouth, she walked over to the group and stood at the head of the table. "Welcome to my Ghost House Lair!", she said in a monotone voice. "It isn't.. Boo-tiful?", she asked, with a bit of an evil giggle. Seeing the reference didn't even emit a chuckle from the room, she looked around and shrugged. "Tough house?"

Wendy was sitting at the table with her legs propped over the top of it, painting her toenails when she looked to Koopette and smiled at her. "El Doctor," she said with a thick accent. "How was ze family reunion?" Straightening out her pink hair bow, she pretended to be at least somewhat social-able.

"It sucked, Frau.", Koopette said as she took one long pace to the right of where she had just been standing. "You know, the whole he's not my real dad and Austin isn't my real brother. That sort of thing." With an evil laugh, she looked to the people around her again and noticed Scott wasn't there. "Frau, lower my chair from the ceiling and call for Scotty."

Taking a megaphone out from her shell, Wendy held it up to her mouth. "Lower the CHAAAAAAAIIIIIIR!!", she screeched into it. Putting the megaphone down on the ground next to her seat, she pulled another one out of her shell which was as big as the table itself. Cranking the volume up full blast on it, she held it up to her mouth. "SCOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!", she screeched again. Putting both megaphones back in her shell, she smiled innocently and let off a little sneeze.

Covering her ears, Koopette stared at Wendy for a moment. "Frau.", she stated in a monotone voice. "Frickin. Cellphone. Word up. Everybody say." Looking up to the musty rafters above her, she waited for the long delay in the lowering of the chair. Looking at the sundial strapped to her wrist, she tapped her foot impatiently as a giant metal chair came falling down from the rafters, landing on her and pinning her to the ground on her back. Seeing Morton poke his head out from the rafters, she shook an angry fist at him. "Way to go, dillweed!", she shouted up at him.

"Idiots, get this thing off me!", she yelled in a panicky voice to the people in the room. "Get it off!"

Rushing over from the other end of the room, a crocodile/reptilian koopa wearing an eye patch over his left eye wrapped his enormous, spring-like tail around the metal chair and lifted it off of Koopette, setting it safely to the left side of her. Kneeling down, Xiuhcoatl extended a hand out to her to assist her back onto her feet. "Here you go, Doctor Evil.", he said firmly.

Walking into the room, Orinda was head banging to some type of music blaring out of the headphones he was wearing. Flashing gang signs to the people at the table, he took a seat in an empty chair and scooted himself closer to it. Taking out the headphones and putting them in the koopa shell on his back, he kicked his feet back and onto the top of the table. "Yo.", he said with a giggle. "What's up, my homies?"

Reaching for Xiuhcoatl's hand, Koopette pulled herself back to her feet. "Thank you, Number Two.", she said to him with a sweet smile. Sitting down in her chair, she fidgeted around trying to get comfortable. Pulling a blue hair ribbon out of her shell, she toyed with her hair for a moment and tied it in a pony tail with the ribbon. Glancing to the folks sitting around the table, she twiddled her thumbs for a moment. Looking to Orinda, she gave him a salute. "Hey sport!", she said with enthusiasm.

Turning her attention to Xiuhcoatl, she gave him a thumbs up. "What's new. Number Two.", she said to him as she held a finger to her mouth, giggling.

Walking back to the other end of the room, Xiuhcoatl stopped in front of the table and was directly across from Koopette. With the eye patch over his right eye, he paced in front of the table as he began to speak.

"A lot is new, Doctor Evil.", he said as he paced. "Our corporation has bought out a chain of eateries ran by Mechakoopas. Adding twice the amount of locations, we've more than tripled our annual draw-in. We've named that chain, Eateries Ran by Mechakoopas." As he stopped his pacing, he set both hands on the table and looked directly at Koopette. "We've acquired such chefs as Guy Fieri.. Dom DeLuise.. and Chef Torte."

Sitting down in a chair next to where he was standing, Xiuhcoatl folded his hands and cleared his throat. "Now unveil your plans, Doctor."

"Before I start," Koopette said, "I need my beloved Mini-Me." Giving Wendy a strange look, she leaned in as close to her as possible and whispered, "But.. Frickin.. Do.. It.. Right.. okie dokie?"

Wendy leaped out of her seat and threw her chair against the wooden wall behind her, breaking the chair in half. "But I don't WANT TO!", she screamed as she began jumping around, throwing a temper tantrum. "I DON'T WANNA, I DON'T WANNA, I DON'T WANNA!!", she continued to scream as she laid down on the floor and started kicking her feet, crying. "I wanna call Mini-Me, I wanna call Mini-Me.. I WANNA CALL.... MINI-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Looking up at Koopette with tears and anger in her eyes, she pointed accusingly at her. "I'm telling my DADDY on you!"

Crossing her arms, Koopette looked at Wendy and shrugged off her whole act. "Boo frickety-hoo!" Clapping her hands twice, she looked around. "Mini-Me, come to your daddy," she said loudy as she scanned the room. "Who's your daddy?"

Crystal flew in the room from the same place Orinda came out. Fluttering her little wings furiously and gasping for breath, the pink shelled koopa troopa landed on the table in front of Koopette. Looking around the ghostly room with her little heart fluttering, she smiled and gave Koopette a big hug.

"My precious Mini-Me.," Koopette said gently as she gave Crystal a hug in return. "There's one thing no Mini-Me can resist," she said as she reached under the table and put a bread tin on the table filled with mulched meat and a red cap on top of it. "MARIO LOAF!"

Standing up from her seat, she walked behind where Xiuhcoatl was seated and waved. "Now it is time to unveil my new plans." Digging around in her shell, she pulled out a blue book with a keypad on it and held it up, facing it towards the table. "I've planted explosive devices under every landmark in Dinosaur Land, which I intend to blow each landmark of the face of the earth. This book has a button for every landmark, which detonates within a micro second of me pressing it." Raising her hands and doing a cliche with her fingers, she spoke in monotone. "I call it, 'Facebook'."

Orinda continued to have his legs propped up on the table as he laughed out loud. Looking to Koopette, he shook his head in disbelief. "Facebook is a social networking site that was started in 2004 by Mark Zuckerburg. Why don't you just call it Operation: MySpace, moron?"

Koopette set the book down on the table and gave Orinda a sarcastic sigh. "I've came up with a working plan.. but SCOTTY CAN'T!"